IVF #1 CD 15 "Excited?"

I'm on day two of recovering from the unpleasantness that is egg harvesting. I was able to sleep most of the night and was feeling pretty good when I finally woke up around 9:30. So, I decided to go to Church. We had Stake Conference which was only 2 hours and I made it through the whole thing - although I did use M's shoulder unabashedly. I've been sleeping on and off since. Thankfully, my dear friend - one of my few friends that knows I'm doing this - brought us dinner tonight. It was most appreciated when I woke up starving.

All day I have been analyzing my belly trying to figure out how bloated is "severe bloating". I do not want OHSS. I was starting to get a little worried - I'm a worrier sometimes. But when I woke up from my nap my tummy was way smaller and didn't feel bloated anymore! YAY! My biggest complaint right now is a stomachache. I'm not nauseous or anything - it just hurts. Hopefully that will go away soon.

We got our fertilization report this morning. Out of 25 eggs (how did I get 25 from 23 follicles? I don't know) we got 14 that fertilized. We are going to do a day 5 transfer on Thursday.

One of the things we have been thinking about lately is excitement. My family is really excited about everything I tell them. I am not. We have 14 embabies growing. I am hopeful that there will be great quality embryos to transfer among these 14. I'm not very excited though. Excited just is not the right word. It is like celebrating at halftime if you are up by 1 or 2. The game is not over. You can feel good about the way you played in the first half - but there is so much more left to go. I will be excited when I get pregnant and really really excited when I have a baby in my arms. I'll rush the field when the game is over. But not before the clock reaches 0:00. I don't feel that this is totally understood by family and friends. I feel like they expect me to be super excited at each turn. I understand that things moving in the right direction is a good thing - and I am very happy and thankful for that. I just can't afford to count my chickens before they hatch - or my embies before they implant as it were. That may seem very pessimistic but, it is not. There are no guarantees, no sure things in IVF. I think it is very realistic to feel the way I do. I still have hope, I still pray that this IVF will work. I just won't celebrate it until it does. Does that make sense to anyone besides me?