While I think it is a natural reaction to back away from the blogging world during the 2WW (to try and distract and get away from the world of IVF), I like writing and am going to try to write everyday. Hopefully, I don't bore you or drive myself crazy.
Being on bed rest gives one a lot of time to think, along with back pain. Sometimes I think about what it would be like to be pregnant. Other times I fret about the negative result that often seems inevitable. I've also thought a lot about what I want to do when I can move around again (I'm getting a little restless). I have projects I want to do - like get our garden started and make some drapes for our study. But, that isn't quite what I mean. I am not very dedicated as an artist. Sometimes I wonder if that is really what I want to do. Sometimes I think about going back to school and finishing my chemistry degree. The ultimate question is "to what end?" What is it that I want to be? Well the easy answer is "A Mother!" I think you all know how little control we have over that. and maybe in 9 months that dream will come true. But is that it? I don't mean to say that I don't want to be a stay-at-home mother and homemaker. I do. But the more I've been thinking about it, the more that I feel there needs to be something in addition to that. Something I'm dedicated to during nap time. Something that keeps me continually improving myself. Art always seemed like the perfect fit. But, I'm struggling with that. I don't have a vision of where my art is going right now and I'm not very excited about it. However, neither do I have a vision of what I would do with a chem degree if I got it. I don't want a job as a chemist - at least I don't think I do. Teach? Maybe. Tutoring? I think I may try to do that part time - you don't need a BS for that.
Hopefully after another day of bed rest (the last one thank goodness!), I will have some more clarity about what I want to do and be, regardless of the outcome of this IVF.