Last night, M and I were discussing pain and faith. We are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (mormons), but I believe this topic relates to everyone, of every faith.
Recently, I read this post by Melissa Bradford. She lost her son in a river accident as he went back into a whirlpool to save a friend. My family knows the Bradfords well, and Parker was just a year or so younger than I. It truly was a tragedy. Melissa’s experiences are a perfect demonstration of what we concluded last night. Many (but not all) people – and sometimes, we - do not understand how grief and pain and faith relate to one another. There is this mentality that if you have faith, then you never will be grieving; faith must supplant grief, and if it doesn’t, well then you must not have very much faith.
First of all, that mentality is super judgmental. Second, it is totally wrong. M said it really well last night, “faith can make trials easier, but it doesn’t make them easy”. If trials were easy, what would be the trial? Is it wrong to grieve the loss of your son or the inability to have a child even though you know that the Lord knows what is best for you? M and I very strongly believe that the Lord knows us both individually. He knows what our strengths are, and He knows where we need to grow. He has a plan for us. Obviously, it is the will of the Lord for us not to have children at this point. Part of my faith in the Lord is having faith that the Lord’s will is better for me than my will. Does accepting the Lord’s will over mine, mean that I shouldn’t want to have kids? Absolutely not. It means that I can wait with hope. Hope that someday I will get to be a mother. Hope that I will be a better person because of the trials and pain that I go through.